big black rain cloud

I think that my personality lends itself to the happier moments of life.  I like to live there – in my happy place.  I have a friend who sometimes reminds me that it isn’t real – this happy place of mine – but I spend most of my days choosing to believe that love and beauty and kisses and laughter and long days of smiles are what matter – they are my reality.

Sometimes, well most times, I believe that I am invincible – that every problem has a solution.  There aren’t a whole lot of things that get to me – bother me – get me down.  There aren’t too many situations where I can’t still see the light.  Today, though, there is a sadness that I don’t think I will be able to shake very easily.

Recently, I had a hard drive fail me.  That may not sound like much, but to a photographer, it is a lot.  Immediately, after taking someone’s pictures, I back them up to an external hard drive.  . . . and then I do it again, just to be safe. 

Somehow, though, in the chaos of life, something went wrong.  I failed. 

When my hard drive failed, I lost several folders of images that did not have a back up somewhere.  I don’t know how it happened.  I just know that I fell short in my job to protect and preserve memories.  I have spoken to these families directly, and it was very, very hard.  It was very hard, because it meant that I failed.  It meant that I didn’t do what I promised them I would do – freeze and save time. 

In one instance, I was able to redo the shoot, and we got some new and incredible images.  But in the case of a couple other families, those moments are gone, and the big black rain cloud remains.

I must tell you, that this entry is very difficult for me to write because it tells everyone that I have failed.  It tells everyone to be wary of putting their trust in me.  It tells everyone of my error – and that is hard to do.  I think I decided that I wanted to share of my big black rain cloud, for a couple of reasons.  One is that I believe in vulnerability and grace.  I want my clients to trust me, because when they do, they can be themselves in front of the camera, and that is when I am able to capture some really special images and moments.  I think honesty builds trust.  (and believe me, I have learned a hard lesson, and DARE NOT REPEAT IT AGAIN.  I have hopefully become a master backer-upper.  Hopefully, someone will trust that.)

The other reason I felt like I wanted to share was because I feel like I have had a change of mind or heart about my “business model/practices.”  You see, I have never really given opportunity for individuals or families to buy the digital negatives of their sessions.  There were many reasons why I chose to do this, but the main one was because I wanted to be in control.  I have spent so much time researching good labs, quality paper types, etc., and I want my clients to have the best.  I spend a considerable amount of my life behind the computer perfecting the images’ color, exposure, sharpness, etc., because I believe in quality.  I want the money that my clients spend on their memories to be worth something.  I want them to have quality hanging in their homes – so I have wanted to stay control.

It is a lot though.  It is a lot of time, money, and stress, though, to stay in control.  So, I think some things will change in my structure of “business.”

IF YOU WERE A CLIENT OF MINE IN 2008 OR 2009 AND WOULD LIKE TO PURCHASE YOU DIGITAL NEGATIVES BEFORE I STOP STORING THEM PERMANTELY, PLEASE LET ME KNOW.  I WILL HAVE THEM AVAILABLE TO PURCHASE UNTIL MARCH 21^ST.    I will be sending out a note talking about this change and about how I will be letting go of STORING THESE IMAGES FROM 2008 and 2009, so if you would like to purchase them, please let me know before MARCH 21^st. 

To those of you whom are considering me as your photographer, please know and trust that I have indeed learned something – something about storage, about time, about trust.  I want you to trust that I have your memories stored safe.  I want you to trust that I will always be honest with you.  I want you to trust me.  I will work for your trust.